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So this is Facebook…
First it was cool (2004)
Then they let high school kids in (2006)
Then it got a little weird (2007)
Then they had Like button which was cool until you realized you were an unwitting advertising vehicle and data mule making facebook even more fucking money advertiser, making facebook even richer (2009)
Then they made the social network with Jesse what’shisname and new spiderman (2010)
Then everyone’s mom joined (2011)
Then Zuckerberg took all our private shit and blackmailed everyone until he took over the world … oh wait that hasn’t happened yet (2015)
Birthdays I forget birthdays like a motherfucker.
TMI Filing Divorce Papers YOLO STD Test results prove it! I’m not a HO
Man this Diarrhea gets in the way of my masturbating Has anyone seen my diaphragm?
To the left to the left On to the next one
And I’m here to remind you
Cry me a river
Ominous cryptic phrases
Sadly, 97% of Facebook users won’t share, like, or repost this. In 1964 a brilliant young scientist attempted a science experiment that went haywire, with the resulting explosion severely scarring the young man’s face. After being unfairly expelled from Empire State University, dedicated his life to bettering our world using his vast knowledge of mathematics, mechanical engineering, physiology and spirituality. He didn’t have to, but he did. Share, Like or Repost this if you are one of the 3% who is not ashamed to say, “Thank you Doctor Doom.”
Share this if…
Repost this! You could win an iPad
Pasta, movie, and vino — perfect Date night with my boo!!! (but not until I post about it on facebook)
Surprised the Hubby with tickets to the Game!
Cookin dinner for my boo! Wifey Status!
Date night with my girls!!!
Back on the prowl ladies
Don’t even act like I never meant anything to you.
Yes I’m single and you’re going to have to be AMAZING to change that
Waiting for a real man / love of my Life
Who does these chumps at the bar think they are?
Overused Quotes — Here are some overused quotes and their translations
You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching, Love like you’ll never be hurt, Sing like there’s nobody listening, And live like it’s heaven on earth. Or Jerk Off like nobody’s home. Comment like there aren’t any trolls. Eat like no one will ever see you naked. Drink like you molested by Cookie Monster
I’d rather laugh with the sinners than die with the saints; And by laugh I mean have sex
I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” ― Marilyn Monroe
You’re only as strong as the drinks you mix, the tables you dance on, and the friends you roll with.
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference” - Robert Frost
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” I wish I could’ve gotten drunk with Dr. Seuss
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among stars!” — Les Brown. Not how space works. Humans can’t survive Head explodes… you know what I don’t want to even get into it
Three Word Phrases: Eat Pray Love. Live Laugh Love. In this Economy. Gym Tan Laundry. Is It In / Just The Tip. It’s a Trap. Resistance is Futile. Bros before Hos. Today is a Gift. Ride or Die. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Fire ze Missiles. YIppie Kayae Motherfucker. Never Look Back. Death before dishonor. Knowledge is power. Carpe Diem Yolo like there’s no tomorrow Fact about Holidays: Columbus Day, Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving. People! Trolling is subtly driving people crazy not being a fucking dbag. Now there’s babies on Facebook. Motherfuckers gonna have literally their entire lives on facebook. We’re going to be able to look up the profile of a President of the United States and be like Oh.. that’s what he looks like at an 80s party. Playing Flipcup. With a Sharpie dick drawn on his face. So I guess what I’m saying is… Share this video on facebook Make sure you like my fanpage on facebook Send me a gift on facebook Poke me on facebook Friend me on facebook Tag me on Facebook Join my mafia on facebook Check me in on Facebook Photobomb me on Facebook Fuck me on Facebook Be my Farmville friend on Facebook Play me in Words with Friends on Facebook And basically love me on facebook because that’s the only place it really matters