NEW VIDEO: Appropriate Driving
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Drivers
1) Boston — Everyone swears, especially @ sports radio GO BRUINS
2) LA — See more people reading scripts than using turn signals
3) Dog — Can you imagine if dogs got drivers licenses? Would they have to be 16 in dog years or human years?
4) Cat — My grandma’s cat used to sleep either in the back (in the sunshine) or on her lap on drives.
5) Giraffe — Man how much would suck to constantly have your head out the sunroof. @Shaq?
6) South — I love sunflower seeds. I thought the gun joke was too obvious here. ALSO that country song is from Being a Man: Things Every Man Should Know http://youtu.be/kDBI_TsP4Hc
7) Irish — hey at least he was Drunk in passenger seat. Erin go bragh!
8) Indian — They fucking honk non-stop… and nobody ever gets anywhere.
9) Canada — I didn’t have a dogsled
10) Asian — Nobody drives faster than Asians with NOS Sidebar I am SO pumped for 6 Fast the movie.
11) German — I’ve never been on the autobahn but I bet it would be SICK fucking kilometers.
12) Aladdin — I can show you the world… shining shimmering splendid. Soaring tumbling free wheeling on a magic carpet ride…
13) Colorado — They legalized weed right?
14) Australia — Down Under… it was easier than finding a kangaroo.
15) PS3 — or xbox … really just “gaming system”
16) Portland — Portland is actually ranked behind Brooklyn and Silverlake as the most hipster friendly cities in the country.
17) Mel Gibson — I’ve actually been to the bar he left when he got his DUI and started ranting about the Jews. Nice place right on the ocean.
18) Jews — can’t argue with that.
19) Night time — I ALWAYS check for murderers and monsters when it’s dark out… they have to respond if you ask them directly right??
20) Reese Witherspoon — All my Love Reese. All in good fun. You’re an American Citizen. I wish I could use “I’m pregnant and I need to use the restroom,” as an excuse I can’t believe it didn’t work for you. LINK: http://www.tmz.com/2013/05/02/reese-witherspoon-arrest-dash-cam-video/
NEW VIDEO: Misunderstood Expressions
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1507 7th St. PO Box #282
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Cringe
Death Sentence: When I was little a kid in my grade school told me that a death sentence was when the executioner utters a phrase and it kills the prisoner.
Abusing Drugs: Sorry Advil, I really love you. It was just a joke!
Toss my Cookies: I always thought the Cookie Monster wasted way more cookies than he actually ate. Also puking milk is a personal nightmare.
Watch My Soaps: I would definitely watch that Shampoo Show
Crap Shoot: Was too gross for this video
Office Pool: Little known fact… back when I worked in an office I was NCAA March Madness Basketball Bracket Champion. Undefeated. Straight Cash Homie!
Pay Per View: I didn’t have cable growing up. I thought it was paper view for a while. Like paper Mario.
DJango: My buddy literally said “Hey guys do you wanna go see D-Jango? The Trailer looks sick!” We were all like uh… Jamie Foxx says IN THE TRAILER that the D is silent. Also for the record “Leonardo DiCaprio” is an epic name.
Party Pooper: Bathroom Clubbin
Bare With Me: I sent my mom an email and actually did mis-use “bear” and “bare” … but I’m pretty sure it was an autocorrect and not human error.
Grow a Pair: for you eagle eyes… that’s a Pair of Pairs and I buried the berries near the pear tree. Fuck the partridge.
Make Ends Meet: I was making the ends of the meat meet… right? Right? Also I love to grilled meats.
Sitcom: Laugh Track is magic.
Step on a Crack, Break your Mother’s Back: TRUE STORY. When I was a little kid my aunt told me “Step on a Crack break your mother’s back,” which scared the absolute shit out of me. So much so that I avoided stepping on any cracks whenever possible and still do to this day. I came up with an elaborate game where even if I stepped on a crack, I could neutralize it by stepping in a specific point between two cracks like a master thief dancing through a room of security lasers.
tl; dr: I still have a problem stepping on cracks. Mom: You’re welcome.
NEW VIDEO: Bloopers/Extras/Gag/Reel 1 http://youtu.be/bSBIR6fOtko SHAZAM #TuesdayNoSleeves
For the record, I only said FUCK 24 times
Bloopers from the following videos (December/January):
Christmas Comes Early - http://youtu.be/3_oTdC3Uzes
How to have a Great New Year’s Eve - http://youtu.be/zZ768jHD6XA
How to Cure a Hangover - http://youtu.be/ZWFf78wcTzQ
New Year’s Resolutions - http://youtu.be/_6sAN4hOHnY
What your drinks says about you - http://youtu.be/2FgDTo1s8uI
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Max Weisz
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NEW VIDEO: I want to Live Mas (Live Más)
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Max Weisz
1507 7th St. PO Box #282
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These were all i could remember:
Hello Beautiful
Look I just need to say something. I like you ok? More than any other. I know we both have been seeing other people.. heck I’ve tried to make it work with anyone on your block but they’re all just everyday. You’re the cure for the common. I want to make a change. Change is good. You’re the change I want.
You’ve always been 100% to me and I appreciate that. Oh what a difference you make! I like how you keep doing what always works but at the same time you think outside (the bun). You make me want to make a run for the border. There’s nothing ordinary about you.
Sometimes you make my stomach turn and I can’t stand you but no matter what I do I can’t get you out of me. That’s cuz you’re made just for me. You spice up my night. You feed my beast. I want seconds thirds and Fourths of you. Why do you think that is?
Look I know opportunity doesn’t knock it rings a bell. I’m ready to commit to just you and no one else. Cross the border with me! Yo Quiero. I want to Live Mas.
…didnt get to the Doritos loco tacos.. but they’re bomb
